Some Common Thoughts About Abusers and Their Ability to Change Are Listed Below

The abuse is likely to continue. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological issues. Change is possible, but it is neither quick nor easy. True change only happens when the abuser takes full responsibility for their actions, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, their childhood, stress, work, drinking, temper, etc. Its important to leave when you can, because the possibility of change is slim to none and it will most likely get worse.

​Even if your partner is in counseling, there’s no guarantee they will change. Many abusers continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling despite undergoing counseling. You need to base your decision to leave on who they are now, not who you hope they will become.

It’s natural to want to help your partner. You might feel you’re the only one who understands them or that it’s your duty to fix their problems. However, by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you’re reinforcing and enabling their behavior, which is not helpful for them.​​​​​​

You may fear what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. However, don’t let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation. Please, take a look at our resources for help.

When facing consequences, abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may sincerely believe what they say in the moment, but their primary goal is to maintain control and keep you from leaving. Often, once you forgive them, they return to their abusive behavior.​​​​

You may fear that if you leave, you will miss out on the better treatment your partner could give to someone else. Remember, abuse is an incredibly strong habit that has no guarantee of ever being broken. Do not stay with someone for their potential, and if someone has hurt you in the past, do not believe they will change for anyone.