What is Domestic Abuse?
It can be incredibly difficult for someone experiencing Domestic Violence to call it what is it. Project Call It By Name wants to help.
Domestic Abuse affects over 1o million people in the U.S. annually*.
Domestic Violence, also known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), Domestic Abuse, or Teen Dating Violence for younger experiencers, is a pattern of abusive behavior that occurs within romantic relationships or those relating to a household or a home, which includes but is not limited to physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and financial abuse. It is a serious, common, and widespread issue that affects individuals of all genders, ages, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Anyone can experience it.​
Domestic Violence related abuse can manifest itself in many different forms. Some of these forms are listed below.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse includes but is not limited to hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, choking, or using weapons to harm someone. General physical contact with the intention of harm in any capacity is considered physical abuse.
Emotional/
Psychological Abuse
Emotional abuse, or psychological abuse, can involve threats, intimidation, stalking, and manipulation designed to control someone's thoughts and feelings. It also includes gaslighting, withholding affection, controlling access to resources such as money or transportation, reactive abuse, and cyber abuse. Cyber abuse involves using technology, like phones and social media, to threaten, stalk, or control someone.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse involves the use of language to degrade or harm another person. It can take many different forms, including name-calling, insults, threats, yelling/screaming,
belittling, and verbal humiliation.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse includes any unwanted sexual contact or activity, including rape and forced participation in sexual or sex-related acts.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse involves controlling or limiting the survivor's access to financial resources, preventing them from working or controlling their income, or forcing them to sign over control of their finances.
The signs of Domestic Violence can be incredibly subtle. Some common signs of Domestic Violence include physical injuries such as bruises, cuts, or broken bones, changes in behavior or personality, such as increased anxiety or depression, social isolation, including limiting contact with friends and family, experiencing controlling behavior, such as having a phone or social media monitored, and financial abuse, such as having limiting access to money or a lack of control regarding financial decisions.
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Project CIBN has put together a list of questions to support you in determining whether or not you may be experiencing Domestic Abuse:
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Section One- Your Relationship
Has your partner followed you or shown up to a place where they knew they were not wanted?
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Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you or someone you love?*
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Has your partner ever physically harmed you?*
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Has your partner prevented you from freely leaving a space?
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Has your partner blamed you for their behavior?
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Has your partner ever threatened to commit suicide if you were to leave them?*
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Have your friends or close family expressed concern for you in regards to your partner’s behavior?
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Has your partner continued to contact you regardless of your expressed desire for them to stop?
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Has your partner created fake accounts or new phone numbers to contact you?
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Has your partner admitted they need help or that they need to go to therapy in order to keep you in the relationship?
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Has your partner consistently become upset at you for seeing friends or family?
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Has your partner verbally abused you (called you names, berated you, etc.)?*
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Does your partner isolate you from the rest of the world, in any way?
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Does your partner act like another person at times?
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Has your partner threatened to have your children taken from you, to take them away themselves or threatened to harm your children?*
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Has your partner actually harmed your children?*
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Has your partner verbally abused your children (called them names, berated them, etc.)?*
Section Two- Your Feelings of Your Relationship
Are you ever afraid of your partner?
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Do you wonder if you are crazy or does your partner make you feel as if you are overreacting to their behaviors?
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Do you feel emotionally numb to your partner’s behavior or words at times?
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Do you feel that you can not freely leave the relationship with your partner?
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Have you lost the love or respect you once had for your partner?
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Do you lie to your friends or family about your partner’s actual behavior?
Do you tell yourself, "just one more day/just one more time" in regards to when you will stop seeing or being with your partner?
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Are you embarrassed or ashamed that your friends will find out that you are still with/in contact with your partner?
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Are you scared to tell your partner "no"?
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Do you research abusive relationships?
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Does your partner make you feel ashamed of yourself for qualities you once loved about yourself?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, especially those denoted with a asterisk or those from section 2, it may be time to reconsider your relationship, or to begin seeking help to leave your relationship. Domestic Violence is difficult for anyone experiencing it to identify; that is one of the ways an abuser may try to keep a survivor in the relationship. look for patterns of behavior. Sometimes, listening to those you trust, such as friends and family, can be a helpful indicator of the health of your relationship.
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Now what?
Talk to a trusted person. Go to a safe space. Learn more about Domestic Violence. Take a look at our resources.